


Hasty Decision

by EdosianOrchids901



Series: Plain Simple Prompts [2]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Breakup, M/M, POV First Person, POV Julian Bashir, Post Empok Nor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 02:56:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15451839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdosianOrchids901/pseuds/EdosianOrchids901
Summary: Dialogue prompt: "Please don't hurt me like this."





	Hasty Decision

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a series of ficlets based on dialogue prompts from Tumblr. Written 12/17.

“But Garak… Elim… I love you. Please don’t hurt me like this,” I pleaded, my heart racing. This couldn’t be happening. 

He continued avoiding my gaze, instead focusing intently on folding his clothes. “I’m sorry, Doctor. This is how it must be.”

“’Doctor’? You’re really gonna call me ‘Doctor’ while you’re trying to break up with me?” Wounded, I paced a few feet away. Of all the ridiculous…

“Emotional distance will make the transition easier.” He sounded like he was reciting something, probably a stupid Cardassian handbook on how to dump your partner. Actually, maybe he was. It wouldn’t have surprised me if that sort of training was standard in the Order. After all, what if you have to seduce someone for information or something? You’d have to be able to get rid of them afterwards.

Regardless, it only infuriated me more. “It will damn well not make it easier,” I spat, storming back to his side.

“I apologize for any pain I’ve caused, Doctor. But I must do what’s right, for both of us.” As he tucked a shirt into his bag, I noticed that his hands were shaking.

“You don’t get to decide that.” I grasped his arm, and he jerked away. 

“You’re a foolish boy. You don’t understand,” he muttered, fidgeting with the bag strap. 

More agitated every second, I seized his arm again. “Damn you, Elim, look at me!”

Gaze stubbornly averted, he picked up a pair of pants and folded them, movements still neat and precise despite the tiny tremors coursing through him. “I don’t see what the trouble is. It’s not as if you’ll be single long. I’m sure you’ll find a new companion with no difficulty at–” 

I’d had enough. I forcibly whirled him to face me, and captured his face in my hands before he could react. “Look at me, dammit!”

Startled, his eyes snapped to my face. He stared at me for a moment, open-mouthed with shock. And then, suddenly, his mask crumbled. Gone was the cool, dispassionate attitude, leaving only grief and fear. 

Moving even closer, I caressed his cheeks. “Elim, why are you doing this? I know it’s not what you want.”

His lip trembled, and he dropped his gaze again. “You know why,” he whispered. “I’m a murderer.”

“So? I already knew that before I started dating you.”

Garak gestured aimlessly. “Yes, but… it’s different. I killed someone. Not because I needed to, or because they were a threat to Cardassia. No, I had no reason to kill Amaro. It was brutal. It was in cold blood.”

So that was what this was about. “Dearest, that wasn’t your fault,” I murmured, tucking an errant strand of hair behind his ear. “You were under the influence of experimental drugs. It’s not like you wanted to kill him.”

He gave me a terribly conflicted, anguished look. “But that’s what’s so horrific. I did want to kill him. And when you were trying to treat me… I threatened to do unspeakable things to you. I wanted to hurt you.”

“I know.” I gazed at him, unsure what to say. It had been deeply frightening to hear my lover saying such ugly things to me, and I was still a little shaken. “But it wasn’t you. I’m not scared of you, I know you’d never hurt me.”

“But I would have!” A harsher tremor tore through him, and his face twisted with anguish. Unable to bear his pain, I folded him in my arms. 

“Shhh,” I soothed, rubbing his back in slow circles. “Look, I know you’re still really upset about what happened. But leaving and isolating yourself isn’t gonna help anything, Garak.”

Elim pulled back, looking at me with naked agony. “I can’t hurt you, Julian,” he whispered, hesitantly brushing his fingertips across my cheek. “I can’t take that chance.”

“You’re hurting me now.” I grasped his hand and held his palm to my cheek. “Elim, you’re hurting me by leaving. And you’re hurting yourself, too. Running away won’t solve this.”

He struggled to speak, and then dropped his eyes to the floor. Such intense hopelessness and despair washed over him that it nearly moved me to tears. 

Gently, I cupped his face in my hands and brushed my lips against his. “And do you know what else?” I continued. “If you’re alone in your quarters when you’re this despondent… I’m terrified that you’ll really hurt yourself. And I don’t mean emotionally.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, and then looked straight at me. “You really want me to stay, darling boy? Even after you’ve seen firsthand what a monster I am?”

“You aren’t a monster,” I chided. “And yes, Elim. I want you to stay. I want to help you through this.”

A moment’s hesitation, and then he embraced me. “Thank you.”


End file.
